my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
