dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
