I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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