Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
