just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
