I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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