I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
