I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
