Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
