Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Never underestimate the power of titties
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
