I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She told me I should be a condom model.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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