Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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