i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
