Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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