How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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