I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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