thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
