you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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