I like to think it a success when the cops are called
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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