I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
