Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
