to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
