Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
