do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
