My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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