I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
