My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
