so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
