He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
