Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
