I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
