I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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