had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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