how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
