Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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