so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize