the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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