i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
