I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
