Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
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