The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
