i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
