There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
