I wish you could order shots online.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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