8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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