My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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