porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
