and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
