If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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