Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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