I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
