It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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