She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
