Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
