Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
