you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
