I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
