May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
