Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
