is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
