things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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