I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
