tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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