But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i wish my penis had a tongue
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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