Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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