i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The beer is more important than you right now.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
