If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
