I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
