So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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