I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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