Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
