After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
