It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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